ANATA GA DAISUKI DESU, TANTEI-SAN
by thehollowheart
Summary: A story of Conan and Haibara. This story will make you smile and and cry at the same time. Don't tell me you haven't been warned.
1. Chapter 1

**ANATA GA DAISUKI DESU, TANTEI-SAN**

_Laura Balfour_

**DISCLAIMER** : I do not own Detective Conan or the character. Aoyama-sensei does.

**WARNING** : English is not my first language so I'm sorry if there are some confusing sentences or grammar errors.

* * *

Haibara's POV

I stared at my computer thoughtfully and tapped the keyboard with my fingertips. The only lighting inside the room was of my computer. Beside it lied a piece of paper which was the formula of the antidote for APTX 4869 and the powder I had just managed to make. I didn't know how long I had been there because all I thought right then was about the antidote.

_It was almost done_, I thought to myself. A mixture feeling of delight and sadness hit my heart. I went over the formula once again and then put the powder into a tiny capsule.

"Finally." I smiled as I put the snow-white things into my hand.

* * *

Conan's POV

The sun was about to set in Beika City, richly decorated with cream-colored clouds and a few stars that had already risen. The last rays of the sun rested against the horizon making a spectrum of yellow, orange, red, lavender, and navy blue. I sat quietly on Professor Agasa-Hakase's yard, watching the sun getting smaller and smaller before gradually vanishing from my eyes. It was March already but the snow had not melted yet. I rubbed my mitten together, trying to bring back the warmth to my hands.

"Kudo," someone called my name.

I turned my head to the voice. A young, solemn girl around seven was looking at me. Her face was motionless but something inside her eyes bothered my mind. "What's wrong?"

"Come with me." she exclaimed as she turned her back. I frowned in curiosity but I followed her anyway. She'd been acting strange lately, but I had never seen her looking so deadly serious like now. I walked behind her quietly as we were heading into the basement. She pushed the door to the lab. The room was very dark as usual so I need some time to adjust my eyes.

"Haibara, what's wrong?" I asked again.

She didn't say anything. Instead she was rummaging her desk and drawer. After a minute or two she apparently found what she was looking for and walked closer to where I stood. She looked hesitated and paused herself looking at me. She then handed me the thing in her hand. I opened my palm and there it was, a snow-white capsule.

"It's the antidote." she breathed in a flat voice.

I was confused for a moment, and then the word 'antidote' registered into my mind. A huge swirl of emotions rushed into my body—shocked, disbelief, and extremely happy. "The antidote, really? The permanent one?"

"I'm pretty sure it's permanent. There are still risks, yes, but that's okay." she explained.

"I can't believe this! Thank you, Haibara!" I grinned. I wrapped my hands around her, giving her the biggest bear hug I could make. Her muscles tightened in surprise, but then slowly relax.

"Ku-do you-re ki-lling me!" she tried to speak.

I pried her off. "Sorry," I apologized, still grinning. "Do you mind if I tell Hakase about this?"

She shrugged. "It's fine."

I smiled genuinely at her and turned my back to the door. I couldn't wait to be back to Shinichi Kudo. This was the last time I would stand like this—as Conan Edogawa.

* * *

Haibara's POV

I had never seen him so happy like now before.

The smell of his body after the embrace still covered my arms. He'd leave me now, and it hit me harder than a ton of bricks, hurt more than frostbite, and I didn't lie. I took a deep breath, trying to remember his scent before he finally disappeared, gone forever.

Conan—or Shinichi I must say—was halfway to the door when I called him out.

"Kudo."

He stopped himself and turned around. The smile on his face was fading as he asked, "What's wrong?"

I looked down to my feet, not wanting to meet his cerulean blue eyes. _Damn, why this has to be so hard? _I cursed mentally. "I—" I bit my bottom lip hard. I knew I was no good at this stuff. "I know you should go now, but—" my voice trailed off. I couldn't bring myself to finish.

He was standing in front of me now. "But, what?" he asked as I felt his hand squeezed mine. "Is it about The Black Organization?"

"N-No! It's not." I answered abruptly.

"Then why do you look so sad?" he frowned.

I fell silent. Do I have to tell him now? Will he understand this? I looked up to meet his gaze, a light tear slipped down from my eyes.

"Because I… I love you." I whispered.

The words hung there. The silence became tense and more awkward because he didn't answer. I thought about forcing myself to laugh, tell him that I was joking.

But I couldn't.

I don't want to hold back. I'm too tired to hold back. I'm too tired to all these stupid masks I have always put on my face.

He stared at me, his eyes widened in shock. "Haibara—"

"That's enough," I cut him off and crooked a mournful smile. "I told myself not to tell you this. But I…" my voice faltered.

"Haibara, I don't—"

"I wish you could stay." I pleaded, a little bit depressed. _Stay with me and we could start everything again_. A faintest hope was shimmering although I already knew his answer.

Maybe, just maybe, he'd stay…

He looked at me, his mouth fell open but he didn't say anything. And then he looked at the antidote bewilderedly. I knitted my eyebrows, knowing that it was just about to come.

"I can't." he said. "I would never do anything to hurt you—"_ I believed him_, "—but I have to go back to Ran, the one she's longing and waiting for sincerely."

The slimmer of hope died inside me. Of course, he wouldn't choose my offer even though I begged him for a thousand times. How lucky the girl who became his heart desire.

I faced him and smirked, "Of course, you wouldn't want her waiting for you too long, ne?" I managed to say. _That's right, Shiho_, I said to myself._ Smirk and pretend that you're okay_.

He put his glance to see me, a thin streak of deep remorse flashed in his eyes. "Gomen, Haibara." he said and turned his back to walk away.

The tears started to roll down again but I'm too tired to wipe them away. I stared at his silhouette for the very last time and whispered, "Sayonara, Shinichi."

* * *

FINISH! NOW PLEASE HIT THE REVIEW BUTTON ! ;)

**Note:**

Anata Ga Daisuki Desu : 'I love you' in Japanese

Tantei-san / mentantei-san : Detective

Gomen / Gomenasai : Sorry

Sayonara : Goodbye


	2. Chapter 2

**ANATA GA DAISUKI DESU, TANTEI-SAN**

_Laura Balfour_

**DISCLAIMER :** I do not own Detective Conan or the characters, Aoyama-sensei does.

**WARNING :** English is not my first language so I'm sorry if there are some confusing sentences or grammar errors.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** I think Conan and Ai (or Shinichi and Shiho) is a perfect couple; they can understand each other even without talking. Shinichi and Ran, on the other hand, have completely different hobbies and they don't understand each other as much actually, even though they are best friends since they're little. This is why Ran often cries again and again and Shinichi cannot do anything except saying sorry. Ran is not someone who can stand beside Shinichi and face challenge, Shiho is.

I keep my opinion that Ai suits better with Conan, but being a fan of ConanxAi I have to admit that the chance is so little. I think Aoyama-sensei will make Ran and Shinichi together in the end, 'cause if it's not I bet most of the fans (especially ShinichixRan fans) would be disappointed. Anyway peace, bringing up an argument is not my original intention.

By the way, I noticed that you guys didn't like the ending of my story (me too, actually). So guess what, I decided to change the ending and make a sequel to my story. Aren't you excited? Hahaha okay so here it goes…

* * *

Haibara's POV

It was snowing. Again.

Night had fallen. I sat quietly on the chimney corner, staring to the fireplace in front of me. Several blankets were draped over my shrunken body because I felt really cold tonight. A cup of hot coffee held tightly with my both hands, unsuccessfully trying to bring the warmth to my fingertips.

Right now, at this moment, I welcomed the numb feeling that accompanied the chill Beika flurry.

Rejection should be a welcomed companion by now. I should accept that hallow feeling that came with it, like my heart is thumping in an empty barrel. Sometimes the horrible pain I experience is the only sign that I'm alive. But that's okay because I'm getting used to it. I would put my emotion away, shove it and lock it up in a high shelf, out of reach. What was the use of crying when I knew nothing would ever get better? Life was a cruel joke and it was about time that I learned to accept it all.

"Ai-chan, shall we have something to eat?" a voice came behind my back. From the footsteps, I knew it was Hakase.

I broke from my own subconscious and stared at him. "Oh, well," I crooked a smile which came out more like a grimace, "I'm not hungry, Professor. I guess you'd have your dinner by yourself tonight. Is that okay?"

He sighed. "Okay. But don't stay up late, Ai-chan. It's not good for your health."

"Sure." I said with a nod.

Hakase held out his hand towards the doorknob and looked at me. "If you need anything, just call." he said before he shut the door closed.

I drew a deep breath and closed my eyes. I'm all alone once again. For a moment I was just staring to the fire as I sipped my coffee before it got cold. The wind was blowing so strong that made the branches outside hit the window.

_Kudo_, I thought dryly. Even his name tore a new hole in my heart. Things got steadily worse since I fell for him. It was quite funny actually, since my life had never been better.

Screw life.

Abruptly I got up and walked to the basement, swung the door open, and then turned the lights on. I headed towards a large cabinet and took from it a clear, plastic box barely the size of my palm. It was the other pair of antidote that I gave to Kudo-kun. I felt my heart twitched as I traced my fingers through it, suddenly feeling a bit pathetic.

_You have to do this Shiho_, a faint voice said behind my head. _For you. For him. For your own sanity._

* * *

Haibara's POV

Looking into the mirror in my bedroom, I saw my own reflection wearing an overlarge white coat with a maroon sweater—my old clothes when I was Shiho Miyano. I took the plastic box from my pocket and opened it. Inside it was the snow-white capsule, the same capsule I had given to Kudo-kun.

_It's time_, I thought anxiously. My hands were quivering when I threw the antidote into my mouth then swallowed it. For a second there's nothing happened, but then the warmth inside my body got warmer and warmer. Hotter and hotter.

Uncomfortable now. Too hot. Much, much too hot.

My whole body was burning. Just imagine that your body was in a microwave. Now triple it. The pain shot all over my body running down through my spine from head to toes. I screamed as loud as I could, hoping it would lessen the pain, but it didn't work.

Then I collapsed.

* * *

Shiho's POV

"Ugh…" I muttered under my breath as I opened my eyes. My body was sweating and panting like a pig. I found myself lying on the cold floor in my bedroom. No more pain. No more burning body. Everything was perfect.

I carefully stood up and turned around to look into the mirror. The last time I looked into the mirror, I saw a small, eight-year-old girl with her solemn yet deadly cerulean eyes. Now I saw myself in my late teen body, with golden blonde, shoulder-length hair and delicately shaped face. The first thing I noticed that I was taller than I had been for the past two years. Shiho Miyano is finally back.

I smiled genuinely to my own reflection and then made my way to the living room. Hakase hadn't returned yet, which is good because I didn't want him to see me as Shiho Miyano. I looked up to the clock and sighed, it was already 9 pm now. I would only have less than an hour to do the unfinished business here. Hastily I grabbed two pieces of paper and pen and started to write a farewell letter to Hakase, The Shonen Tantei, and of course, Shinichi Kudo.

First, I wrote a letter to Hakase.

_Dear Professor Agasa,_

_I know you really love me like your own child, Professor, but I have to go. You know that I love Kudo-kun so much (even I never admit it until now), and it's painful to see him with Ran-san. I need some time to 'heal' myself, and in that time I have to leave. I'll be staying at my sister's apartment 'til Sunday, and then I'll go to London for a couple years. Please don't tell Kudo-kun about this._

_I'm really sorry, Professor. I promise I'll be back soon. I'm no longer Haibara Ai, but I'll always be your little girl. Oh, and don't forget to do some exercise. You don't want to get overweight, right?_

_p.s. Can you tell The Shonen Tantei my farewell? I miss them already._

_Yours,_

_Haibara Ai/Shiho Miyano_

_One down_, I smiled bitterly to the letter in my hand. I grabbed the other paper and started to write my farewell to the person I loved, Shinichi Kudo.

I read both letters once again to make sure they were perfect. Then I folded those letters, put them inside the envelope and I sealed it. I bit my bottom lip and trying so hard not to cry. No, I will not cry, I won't. I am the girl who always stayed strong.

Before I left, I took a picture-frame that lay beside my computer. It was a picture of me and The Shonen Tantei on New Year's Eve last year. I was wearing my favorite turquoise kimono which was a gift from Hakase on my eighth birthday. Ayumi-chan and Kudo-kun was standing beside me, while Genta, Mitsuhiko, and Professor Agasa Hakase behind us. The boys were smiling widely (and ridiculously if you ask me).

_Goodbye_, I thought bitterly. I wrenched the door open and disappeared through it.

* * *

Well, what do you think? I'm sorry if the characters are too OOC or cliché, and sorry for the sad part, but I have to make it that way. Oh, and don't forget to give your review, xiexie! ;)

**Note:**

The Shonen Tantei : The Detective Boys

Xiexie : Thank you (in mandarin)


	3. Chapter 3

**ANATA GA DAISUKI DESU, TANTEI-SAN**

_Laura Balfour_

**DISCLAIMER :** I do not own Detective Conan or the characters, Aoyama-sensei does.

**WARNING :** English is not my first language so I'm sorry if there are some confusing sentences or grammar errors.

* * *

Shinichi's POV

"Shinichi? Are you here?" a deep, loud voice snatched me out from my daydream. I was half-asleep when I heard someone knocked on my door. I gasped, my eyelids popped open wide and I jumped off the couch. "Ouch!" I whimpered.

"Shinichi?" the voice called again.

"Dare ka?" I asked. Damn anyone who had interrupted my sleep.

"It's me, Hakase." he replied. Wait, who? Hakase? How did he know that I had back to Shinichi? Oh right, that icy queen Haibara must've told him. But what the hell was he doing this late?

"Wait a sec!" hastily I got up and opened the door. "Goodness, Professor. And I thought you couldn't get much louder."

He breathe heavily, his body was sweating and panting like he has run a marathon. "Sorry to disturb you this late, Shinichi. But—" the old man paused a while to take a breath then continued, "—there's something you need to know."

"I need to know what?" I frowned.

He took a shaky breath. "Can we discuss this inside? I'm freezing."

"Oh, yeah, come in." I stepped aside, allowing room for him to enter.

"Thank you," Hakase said and plopped down into the nearest sofa. I closed the door and sat on the other side.

"So, what do you want to tell me?" I asked in curiosity.

Hakase pulled something out from his pocket and laid it on the table. It was a letter. "There's a note inside that addressed to you. I didn't read it."

I took the letter off the table and opened it. There were two pieces of paper folded in half, one with Hakase's name handwritten with pen, and one with my name handwritten with pen on the back. I pulled the paper with my name on it and flipped it open.

_Dear Kudo-kun,_

_I'm sorry I didn't even say goodbye but I know it's for the best._

_When you read this letter, I'll be somewhere far away from you. I'm leaving Japan on Sunday morning, and don't you dare to track me down or I swear I'll make you sorry for breathing._

_I apologize for the past two years. I really hate myself for making that stupid drug and ruining your life, Kudo-kun. I'm such a wicked monster. Thank you, Kudo, for everything you've done to me. My life got a lot more interesting once I met you. I hope you get your happiness with Ran-san and your mentantei career._

_Yours always,_

_Haibara Ai/Shiho Miyano_

A stream of silence slipped between me and Hakase. I was shocked, confused, angry, sad, betrayed, and desperate at the same time. I stared at the letter refusing to believe what I have just read even though I've done it twice. Haibara, why?

"W-when did she left?" I squeaked. My voice sounded wrong and hoarse. A tear threatened to fall from my eyes.

"I don't know, Shinichi," he said, "I was out for dinner when she left."

I nodded. That baka. That stubborn, encyclopedia freak girl. How dare she was, leaving me alone. I was so angry. My fingers held the letter hard enough that it was in danger. I loosened them one by one because I didn't want to destroy the paper. Instead I clenched my hands together so I couldn't break anything.

Haibara was a companion, a friend, and someone I could always turn to. How could she ruin that?

"I'll find her," I mused aloud.

Hakase looked at me with pity in his eyes and put a hand on my shoulder. "I don't think she'll be okay with that, Shinichi."

"Why?!" I snapped, "She left us, Hakase! She… she didn't even say goodbye!"

"I know, but…" he sighed and pulled his hand back, "I don't think she'll recover again if you left her twice."

I was ready to snap him again when the words hit me._ I don't think she will recover again if you left her twice_, the words echoed in my head. Did I leave her? Did I? Okay, maybe I left her. And I hurt her too. But I didn't mean that way. And now she left, making my life more miserable than it was before.

"I won't leave her," I was surprised that my voice didn't break, "I will find her, professor. I need to talk to her. There's… there's something I want to say."

* * *

Shinichi's POV

Haibara was trying to run away again.

No! I couldn't let her go. I wouldn't let her go. I ranked my feet into the dirt, spinning out like a race car. The loud footsteps and harsh sound of breathing broke the silence. I pushed myself past her, trying to stop her before she'd finally left.

"Haibara!" I yelled as I stretched out a hand to grab her wrist. She finally stopped herself but didn't make an eye contact with me. I grabbed her shoulders and panted. "Haibara, don't leave!"

She turned her head to face me. I gasped, her eyes were blank and her skin was so pale.

"You're the one who left, Shinichi." she whispered bitterly.

* * *

Okay one more chapter and it's finish, I promise! but please review ;)

**Note:**

Dare Ka? : Who's that?

Baka : idiot


	4. Chapter 4

**ANATA GA DAISUKI DESU, TANTEI-SAN**

_Laura Balfour_

**DISCLAIMER :** I do not own Detective Conan or the characters, Aoyama-sensei does.

**WARNING :** English is not my first language so I'm sorry if there are some confusing sentences or grammar errors.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE :** Okay so this is the last part! What will Shinichi do? Will he find Shiho? Let's find out ;)

* * *

Shinichi's POV

Ever since that creepy nightmare, I couldn't help myself to stay awake. I knew it's not a good way to avoid it, but I didn't have a choice. It was still haunting me like and omen. It had been three days since I had that nightmare. Three days since I read that blasted letter. Three days since I realized that my feelings to her had turned into affection.

Today was Sunday, the day when Haibara—Shiho I mean, left Japan.

I was standing in front of Tokyo Narita International Airport now, looking around to find Shiho. I didn't know what time she flight, I didn't know where she would go, I didn't even know her face as Shiho Miyano, damn it! I ran through the passenger to find her, searching for the golden blonde hair lady. But she was nowhere. For God's sake, where on earth could she be?

Panting, I stopped myself to catch a breath. Was this my punishment for not realizing my feelings? Maybe I gave my hopes too up and now it crumbled right before my very eyes. I couldn't believe I just realized it at the time she left Japan. I was almost giving up when I saw a glimpse of blonde hair in the sea of brown. I quickly made my way through the passenger and tried to grab her shoulder.

* * *

Shiho's POV

"Haibara!" someone yelled my name—well, my other name actually. I froze. I knew that voice, a very familiar voice to my ears. My heart skipped a beat as I turned around and stared at the one who called me. And there he was, panting, sweating like a pig. It was Shinichi. I could feel my expression was changing from fair to shocked, shocked to somewhat hurt, and then I ended up with angered expression.

"I—, you—, what the hell are you doing here Kudo-kun?!" I yelled as I felt my heart dropped a few inches when I saw his face. "Didn't I tell you not to search me?!"

"I-I'm sorry," he said, his eyes flickered in hurt, "I—, I—"

I shot him my coldest death glare. "Listen, I've got a plane to catch. I'm gonna go." I retorted and started to walk away.

"Haibara, wait!" he called as he reached a hand to stop me which made me spin around.

"As the matter of _fact_—" my eyes and voice were defiant, "_I _am not Haibara. _I_ am Shiho. And I don't want to talk to you, baka!"

"Fine, Shiho!" he replied half screamed. "But please, I don't want you to leave!"

"Why?! Since when do you care about—"

"Because you mean a lot to me!" he blurted out, causing me to freeze mind-swipe.

I looked at him, wide-eyed, and wanted to say something but then I snapped my mouth closed. Struggling again, teeth gritted against the words I didn't want to say. For a second I remained silent, I felt like the wounds he had given to me was still red open and hurt. Albeit I had been trying my best to get over Shinichi and make a life for myself I still couldn't let go the memories we once had. But hell, what was the point of staying? It didn't matter if I'm gone, right?

"For what, Kudo?" I asked somberly, my voice broken. "For seeing you and Ran live happily and watching myself pushed down to the ground?"

"No," he said and put his gaze at me, "I've been thinking about everything lately. About me, Ran, you…" he took a step forward, now he was within arms length of me. "…and I want to test a theory, would you like to help me?"

"A theory?" I couldn't help but smile. "So what's your hypothesis, mentantei?"

He grinned. "Well, I believe that Ran has somehow broken this _intricate chemical formulas_ between me and her by rejected me. And since that organization has fallen, now I can see things more clearly, and my detective instinct said that my feelings for Ran were nothing more than a friend, I don't love her and I never did."

What did he say? I knew he wasn't joking, I could tell from his deadly serious expression, but didn't he love Ran? I thought he would do anything to get back to Ran. "But why? I thought Ran is the reason you're breathing for." I scoffed.

He flashed a grin, ignoring the sarcasm. "Nope, you assume."

"But, Kudo—"

"Shinichi," he corrected.

"Shinichi," I sighed and rolled my eyes at him. "I—Why are you telling me this?" I knitted my brows. He somehow looked different for me; his face looked lighter in a way, like the weight had been lifted from his shoulders, his trademark grin looked wider than before but I wasn't sure. All I knew was there's something different.

"Because," he looked at me, his eyes bore into mine and I suddenly froze in place. A cold chill ran down my spine but I held back a shiver. "I love you, Shiho." he whispered.

I stared at him, dumbfounded, and I couldn't muster any words. My heart was threatening to burst out from my chest as I heard it; those three words I'd been dying to hear from him. There were no words could describe my feelings right now. He looked at me with his big cerulean eyes, awaiting my response to his statement.

"Ku-Shinichi…" I bit my bottom lip, my mind was ambivalent. "I'm not Ran."

He traced his fingers against my cheeks, caressing my jaw. "I know."

And then his lips met mine.

My body stiffened for a second before giving into him. The kiss was passionate, more than I had ever imagined before. I poured all my feelings into the kiss—all the memories, the emotions, the bittersweet we had. There was a strange sensation in my stomach; it felt like the gravity itself had left me momentarily, like my body didn't touch the ground, suspended without a safety net. I felt like something bringing me to a new purpose, a new reason for my existence in this life.

And the reason was Shinichi Kudo.


End file.
